Vayechi: Be Sent. Not Sold.
By Chaya Mushka and Nechama Krimmer
In this week's Torah portion, parshas Vayechi, Yaakov passes away after offering blessings to his sons, who would head the ten tribes, as well as Ephraim and Menashe, the two sons of Yosef, who remained righteous even in the midst of Egyptian idolatry.
Immediately, after their father's death Yosef's brothers became afraid that Yosef would now exact revenge against them. They worried that Yosef had held his wrath while their father was alive to not burden him with further grief.
The Torah writes, "Yosef's brothers saw the implications of their father's death and they said to themselves, 'Perhaps Yosef will bear us hatred and he will surely repay us the evil that we have dealt him'" (Bereshis 50:15).
Yosef, however, reassures his brothers that he feels no ill will or anger towards them for their actions. Despite being thrown in a pit and being sold into slavery by his brothers, as well as the many trials he faced in Egypt, Yosef had the eyes to see that this too was Divine Providence.
Hashem required Yosef to be in Egypt to fulfill his purpose in creation by providing food, substance, and shelter to his family during years of harsh famine. Yosef literally saved their lives.
Although fully responsible for their actions, his brothers ultimately acted as conduits for Yosef to fulfill his destiny. As Yosef tells his brothers, "You had planned to do evil to me, yet Hashem planned it to be good…" (Bereshis 50:20).
We see that Yosef had a "sent" rather than "sold" perspective. As he explained to his brothers, Yosef knew that, ultimately, he was "sent" to Egypt by Hashem rather than "sold" into slavery by his brothers.
Although not at all easy, how can we apply Yosef's "sent" vs "sold" approach to our own lives? We often hear the platitude "everything happens for a reason," and ultimately it does as Yosef's story attests, but how do we live in this reality?
When we see ourselves as "sold," we allow ourselves to dwell on the pain and hardships in our lives, causing us even more suffering and distress. As modern psychology has taught us, the more we ruminate on our mistakes and problems, the more vulnerable we are to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.
Also, if we are living in a "sold" reality, we may miss out on the blessings open to all of us. The radiant light of a full moon. The sound of children laughing. The smell of grass during a rainstorm. The lingering taste of the perfect cup of morning coffee.
Sometimes, even in the midst of our suffering, we can see the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel" but we are so numb with pain that we don't have the strength or the motivation to take the necessary steps to get there. We are solidly stuck in the confines of the "sold" outlook.
The title of a pop psychology book published in 2007 by Wayne Dyer is "Change your Thoughts. Change your Life". This title is very much a Chassidic concept. As chassidim often say, "Tracht gut vet zein gut". Think good and it will be good. This is the "sent" outlook.
When we see ourselves as "sent," we consciously decide to rise above the challenges that life throws at us. Of course, this does not make us immune to pain and sorrow, sometimes deep sorrow, but it gives us the resilience to come back after giving ourselves time to process and grieve.
We do not resign to seeing ourselves as pawns in some chaotic, cosmic drama but as active participants in fulfilling our purpose of creation, despite our hardships. And sometimes, through our hardships.
Part of being "sent" is letting go of victimhood. Nothing happens to us, whether positive and negative, without Hashem's direct hand. It's a difficult task but we must strive to see beyond those who cause us pain to recognize that the events of our lives, and the players involved, are all parts of a Divine Plan.
We will never experience a trauma or a tragedy, a remarkable joy or a treasured moment, without Hashem's hand. We learn from the story of Yosef and his brothers that we are always "sent," never "sold".
